dirty boy



Clean or cleaner, and how much dirt is permissible? Mother says only the cleanest go to heaven – so that left the filth part of me to present a passport to the devil standing at a door of paint that was blistering with disgust.

And I was only four.

I said, “I will be the cleanest little boy the world has ever seen,” and she reminded me that almost no one in hell had intended to be there – that the only way to avoid its peril was to be the cleanest little boy in the world.

I said, “I will mommy.”


One day on my way to school, aged 12, I found some girlie mags’ left for the garbage men. Intuitively I knew these were dirty, very dirty. I tried to hide them but they were soon found by the cleanest Mom in the world.

She said you are going to hell son.

I knew better than to say I would never look again, that I was doomed to lust forever, that I would not be the cleanest little boy in the world any longer. My only question then was how could I please mommy and still be me?

I said “love me mommy, even as a sinner.”


6 responses to “dirty boy

  1. Every little boy’s quest, the love of his mother.

  2. sinner!

    (sorry, i couldn’t resist)

    who loves ya baby!

  3. Thank You and I will go and sin some more…

  4. renaissanceguy

    Oh, my goodness! That last line hits me like a punch to the stomach. This poem evokes memories of my boyhood and forces me to examine my very core. You can probably imagine what it does to an evangelical Chrsitian like me.

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